Bruises On The Heart
by DowntonIsMyLife
Summary: Modern AU, Charles and Elsie are very happily married but a fatal accident drasticly changes everything.
1. Chapter 1

**I did say my next fanfic would be a one shot and I'm in the process of writing that but in the meantime here is an idea I thought up in English. Hope you like it.  
>This is my first kind of modern one; it's a modern AU for Charles and Elsie. It's set in 2011 and they're married :) This is for ReidsFacts (Tayla) who said she got bored of my stories :p and wanted one with more danger and drama in it ;) So here it is, for you Tayla.<br>**

Charles Carson stood in the doorway of the kitchen watching her; she had her back to him and was attempting to make tea as quietly as she could. She'd got up early, earlier than he expected considering what they had been up to the night before, but it was now half past 6 and she was fully dressed and ready to start her day.

"Didn't expect to see you up so early"

She jumped at the sound of his voice and spun around, smiling.

"I have to go to London for a meeting with Isobel at 8 so I wanted to leave early to avoid traffic."

"Were you going to leave without saying goodbye?"

"Well I didn't want to wake you up, you looked so peaceful, and I didn't want to leave you"

"I was hoping we'd have a free day today, we could've had a lie in," she raised her eyebrows,

"Oh, Charles Carson I know you far too well to know what you mean by that" she turned back to the counter to pour the kettle, she felt his arms circle around her waist and his warm body pressed against hers.

"Cancel your meeting and come back to bed" he began to kiss her neck moving down to her shoulder, he saw her eyes close and she exhaled through her mouth.

"I can't… I have to go to the meeting … Charles don't…" but before she could finish, he caught her lips and she threw her arms around his neck, but pulled back before he could deepen the kiss.

"Don't tempt me Charles, I'd give anything to come back to bed with you but I must go and meet with Isobel."

He turned her round so she leant against the counter and faced him, "Elsie, my wonderful wonderful Elsie, you work far too hard darling, you'll work yourself to death if you're not careful" he pecked her on the lips and she stroked her fingers over the folds of his dressing gown.

"I could say the same to you after last night" she winked at him, unable to decide how to answer this he picked her up and sat her on the counter.

"I didn't hear you complaining, quite the opposite in fact" he ran his hand from her ankle to her thigh,

"mmm I know" she recalled the events of last night in her head but returning to the moment she held his face in her hands, "I love you" it was all she could think of.

"And I love you, even when you leave me to meet with others,"

"What do you think I think about while I'm there? Work? Or how I plan to surprise my husband when I return?"

"Seduce would be a better word, but go if you must go, I won't stop you" he stood back to let her hop off the counter and turn to finish her tea. He leant against the table and admired his stunning wife, even in the early hours she looked like a goddess to him (even if he preferred her in the late evening when she was wearing considerably less.) She stood sipping her tea, wearing a navy trouser suit and white blouse, he couldn't help but notice how it clung to her in all the right places, extenuating her perfect figure but upholding an air of authority. She also wore a silver heart pendent around her neck; she'd worn it every day without fail ever since he'd given it to her on their first anniversary of their relationship, 24 years ago. 24 years he thought, 21 years of marriage but 24 of being – together. That's what they were, together, they'd never looked at anyone else, it really had been love at first sight, he hated clichés but that one he could handle because he knew it was true.  
>She checked her watch a placed her mug in the sink, heading to the hall, he followed and watched her put her shoes on, increasing her height. He liked it when she did because she was easier to kiss yet still just below his eye level.<br>She grabbed her keys and phone off the table beside the door, handbag hanging off her elbow. She walked over to Charles and kissed him lightly on the cheek.

"See you later" she smiled and heading out the door, shutting it gently.

He looked over at the table and sighed as he picked up her sunglasses with the diamonds on the sides, he ran his fingers over the jewels. That had been a present on her birthday and she always wore them when she drove anywhere.

He looked up a split second before the door opened and Elsie came back in, looking at the sunglasses in his hand and smiling.

"Forgot something?" he handed them to her and smiled. As she took them from him, he pulled her back into his arms and gave her the deepened kiss she'd pulled away from earlier.  
>When they broke apart, she tapped his chest lightly,<p>

"That doesn't make parting any easier" she kissed him again, "I won't be too long, go back to bed and recover your strength" she made her way back to the door again.

"Does that imply I'll need it later?" he raised his eyebrows at her and she looked coyly over her shoulder.

"Maybe. I'll miss you" she blew a kiss at him and put on her sunglasses.

"I'll miss you too" he closed the door behind her and lent against it. Sometimes he couldn't believe how lucky he was. He yawned and made his way back up the stairs. He slept through till 10:30 and was thankful he had the day off, even if he'd wanted to spend it with his wife, he knew she wanted to get the contract sorted with Isobel, it would mean a rather large raise so he knew she was keen.  
>He had a shower and made his way downstairs, drying his hair with a towel.<br>He looked at the clock, just gone 11, Elsie should be back soon, her meeting would have only lasted an hour and it wouldn't take her as long to get back.  
>He went over to the sink to wash up her mug from that morning, as he was drying it he suddenly stopped dead and the mug fell from between his fingers, smashing as it collided with the wooden floor. He suddenly felt his stomach drop and a surge of dizziness hit him, he felt his chest constrict and his breaths became shorter. Something was wrong and he couldn't see what. It was this moment that the phone rang, he picked it up with shaking hands;<p>

"Charles Carson speaking"

"Mr Carson, This is Chief Constable Murray, I'm sorry to say that there's been a car accident – involving your wife."

**AN: This is kind of a special one, for me especially, to show the really strong love between them as husband and wife in modern day, and how one day you can kiss your loved one as they leave and you don't realise how it really could be goodbye. :/ sorry to be a bit depressing, blame Reidsfacts :p**


	2. Chapter 2

**If this is like depressing then blame Reidsfacts as this entire story is her fault, as much as I love the emotion caused by the prospect of losing a loved one, it is a bit depressing. Both her (and DowntonIsMyBestFriendsLife – unofficial name) have been bugging me to tell them the ending so I have to update quickly ;)**

He sat with his head in his hands, the hustle and bustle of the hospital surpassed him. All he could think about was Elsie, how she was lying there on that steel table being operated on. He had driven past the scene of the accident, he couldn't bear to see his wife's Mercedes on it's side and smashed up, he could see that another car had gone into hers, there was no way the crash was her fault.

"Mr Carson?"

He looked up, a man stood before him; he was tall and dressed in police uniform. He had an unnerving serious expression on his face.

"Yes, sorry" he stood up to shake the man's hand.

"Chief Constable Murray, I'm so sorry about all of this"

"You shouldn't be saying sorry, did you see it happen?"

"I did yes, I was parked by the road and saw it, it … it wasn't nice"

His stomach dropped, he hadn't yet heard the extent of her injuries, only that she was in surgery.

"Wha..what happened?"

"Nothing on her part, she was just driving, a car coming the other way was hit from behind, it swerved and hit your wife's. The first driver's fine, but the one that hit your wife unfortunately died on the scene. Your wife's sustained some pretty serious injuries, her windscreen smashed and a lot of glass impaled her, luckily her eyes were protected by her sunglasses, I think that saved her life"

'Those wonderful sunglasses' he thought.

They were then joined by the doctor who was taking off his surgery coat.

"Mr Carson, I'm Dr Richard Clarkson, your wife's out of surgery now, but she's still unconscious, you'll be able to see her in a minute but I warn you, it might be quite, distressing."

"I just want to see her doctor"

Both men looked at him and gave him a sad smile before looking at the floor. A few minutes past and a young dark haired nurse came out of her room,

"You can see her now"

"Thank you nurse Crawley" Dr Clarkson went first closely followed by Charles.

The site of her, lying there in the bed, wired up to all manner of machines. She had cuts and bruises on her face, her usual perfect complexion and happy expression was now replaced with one of pain and torture. He felt his heart break and a stabbing constricted feeling in his chest returned. Dr Clarkson was talking to him but all he could here was the slow beeping of her heart monitor.

"…the surgery was fine, it's her recovery that'll be important. Even if she recovers from surgery, her body sustained a lot of damage and trauma. We won't know anything until she wakes up, but she's stable for now." He left them alone, Charles just stood there watching her, he wanted to go and hold her, hold her in his arms to let her know she was safe.  
>He turned as he heard the door open and Nurse Crawley came back in, she went over to Elsie and injected something into a tube connected to her wrist. They were silent as she worked, but when she stood up, she faced him.<p>

"You _can_ talk to her, she won't respond but she can hear you" she smiled sympathetically and went to leave, "you mustn't worry about her too much, usually patients like this make a full recovery"

"But there are those that don't?"

"Don't think like that, the time to face it is if it happens, not before. Trust me, I know more than you'd think." With that she left, he turned to face Elsie again before slowly going over to her bed and sitting on the chair next to it. He took her hand in his and whispered softly,

"Elsie?…" her heart rate monitor suddenly increased and he smiled knowing she must recognise the sound of his voice. He brought her hand to his lips and kissed it, stroking it lovingly and holding it against his forehead. He sat there for a minute, saying a silent prayer for her, he wasn't particularly religious but he knew she was, whatever God or force was out there, he wanted them to help her.

He looked up, keeping her fingers by his lips, he felt tears begin to fall down his cheeks, making pools on her knuckles. He never cried, he'd only ever cried a couple of times and never in front of people, not even her but now he didn't care who saw him, his wife was lying in front of him, verging on both life and death, he couldn't bear to lose her.

"Elsie" he said again, he just wanted to say her name, he didn't know what else to say, "my wonderful wonderful Elsie" he couldn't continue as he repeated his words from earlier, he simply held her hand to his forehead again and tried to hold back his tears.

"Don't leave me my dear, you cant … I need you … I cant live without you Elsie. Please… stay with me"

He didn't speak anymore, simply held her hand against his head. A while later he felt a hand on his shoulder and he looked up to see Nurse Crawley looking at him then nodding her head towards the clock, he'd been there for an hour simply holding her hand.

"Are you alright Mr Carson?" she asked as he stood up, he towered over her but she wasn't fazed and had an air of authority about her despite her size, rather like Elsie he thought, she did seem like a younger version of her.

"Perfectly Nurse Crawley, thank you"

"You don't have to lie and put on a brave face around me Mr Carson, like I said, I understand more than you'd know"

He followed her out of the room to find Dr Clarkson standing there waiting for him,

"Mr Carson, we've had the results from Mrs Carson's X-ray back. I'm afraid it's not good, she suffered some severe impact when the car tipped over. There is some possible fatal internal damage that we're not going to be able to repair through surgery. We will try though."

"Possibly fatal?"

"It could be, chances are it'll be partially repairable and she'll be on medication for most of the foreseeable future, but there is the chance it wont work and it will become excrutiating…"

"…and eventually … kill her" Charles finished for him, whispering the last two words.

"There's that chance, there's always a tiny chance it can go wrong but I can assure you Mr Carson we'll do everything we can for her" Nurse Crawley reassured him

**Happy Birthday to the amazing Phyllis Logan, sorry that your character's been hit by a car (blame Reidsfacts), but it's supposedly more exciting. Hope you all like it, as much as you can when it's depressing ;)**


	3. Chapter 3

**I hope you're still enjoying this, I find the only way I can write it is when I listen to sad music so I've been depressing myself for this :p Once again this is all Reidsfact's fault! Flashback chapter. AN: Elsie is 42, Isobel is 40 :) Enjoy**

She felt the cold metal in her hand, she clenched her fists in and attempt to wake herself up. She felt very numb. She couldn't open her eyes, it felt like too much effort, so she just lay there thinking of how Charles had been there, he'd told her not to leave him, why would she leave him, where was she going, she felt so confused. Why had he been crying? Was he hurt? But then, she couldn't work out why she'd been asleep, why could she hear beeping and who was Nurse Crawley? Was it a dream? Something odd was going on. But it was the crash of a metal trolley outside that caused the memories to come flooding back.

_She sighed as she sat in the car and closed the door. She hated to leave him and felt guilty as he'd taken the day off to spend it with her. She knew the only way she could get through this meeting would be to imagine being with Charles when she got home. She remembered last night, she had to admit that she had seduced him, but he hadn't complained. She blushed and smiled to herself, she checked her make up in the mirror before turning on the engine._

_They were meeting at their favourite coffee shop, it was exactly between the office and their houses. Isobel lived east of Elsie, similarly on the outskirts of London, but their office was in London so they regularly met at the coffee shop instead. As she approached she saw Isobel sitting outside typing something into her blackberry. Elsie couldn't help but notice that she appeared to have gained weight, she didn't like to think that but it certainly looked like it. Isobel looked up and smiled._

_"El!" she waved frantically and stood up. She was wearing a floral peasant blouse and leggings. Elsie was surprised that she looked so casual for a business meeting._

_"Hiya, you look nice" she hugged her friend and sat opposite her._

_"Oh thank you, I would have worn my suit but... I was hoping to tell you this later but, Im pregnant!"_

_Elsie's eyes widened, "you are?"_

_"Yep, doctor confirmed it yesterday. Reginald and I wanted you and Charles to be the first to know"_

_"So why tell me here?"_

"_Because men don't have the same reaction, Reg is excited of course but it's not going to have the same effect as it might on you."_

"_Well that's wonderful, I'm very happy for you both."_

_Isobel smiled and subconsciously laid her hand over her stomach and smiled down._

"_Anyway this isn't an entirely social meeting, I'll be leaving the office in 2 or 3 months and while I'm away I'll need you to cover for me, you'll get a raise, if I choose not to return you'll get the job permanently."_

"_Permanently?"_

"_I'm sure you're more than capable" seeing Elsie's surprised face "I know you're more than capable."_

"_But that's your job, I shouldn't have It, it's yours!"_

"_Elsie I can't bring my child to work with me, you'll be in the job for just over a year then I'll decide if I __return" she raised her eyebrows and Elsie knew there was no point in arguing._

"_How far gone are you?"_

"_Just under 5 months"_

"_What? And You hadn't noticed?"_

_"No, I thought I was just gaining weight"_

_"In one place? You didnt notice the fact you were being sick or that parts of you were getting a bit bigger?" She raised her eyebrows as she looked over her cup._

_"Well I didnt mind, but the sickness was rare so i didnt notice, the doctor said that some women arent sick as much, it's one reason they dont notice. But it means I have less waiting time - knowing im pregnant that is"_

_"Is that a good thing?"_

_"Well, maybe not in all cases. I'm going for my scan today, hopefully find out the gender. You'll be godmother wont you?"_

_Elsie choked on her coffee at the sudden change of subject._

_"Sorry, I shouldn't have sprung that on you so quickly"_

_"No no it's fine, of course I will Iz, Im honoured"_

_"Oh c'mon El, you're my best friend, who else would I have chosen? Anyway it had to be someone who was married to someone i'd want to be godfather and Charles is perfectly capable im sure"_

_"Are you going to tell him or shall I?"_

_"I'll let Reg do that, he wants an excuse to go and play golf with Charles. Thought we could go shopping when they do"_

_Elsie giggled and Isobel eyed her suspiciously,_

_"What?"_

_"Nothing, just, you'll have to buy maternity clothes now"_

_"Oh shut up El!" She kicked her under the table. Isobel had always been very tall and thin, the kind of supermodel figure girls longed for, whereas Elsie was shorter but had perfect curves. They were opposites in a way but both equally beautiful. Elsie always joked about Isobel trying to keep her figure perfect and how she hated gaining weight, now she'd have no control._

_They finished their coffees, discussing baby plans before Isobel had to leave for her doctor's appointment. Elsie checked her watch, 10 o'clock, she'd be back at about 11. She started her car and drove off._

_She concentrated on driving for a while before turning in her cd player, it was a cd that Charles had made for her, it consisted of all their favourite songs and the ones that described their relationship. She played it more than any other cd she owned, it was such a sweet gesture. She had given him a cd as well but it consisted of more romantic songs that they liked to listen to when they were intimate together. She smiled to herself again; she couldn't believe how lucky she was to have someone like Charles. She couldn't imagine life without him and didn't want to either. She was totally dependent on him and loved him more than anything. Their wedding vows had been till death do us part but neither of them wanted to have to live without the other, they were determined to die together when the time came. _

_She swayed gently to the music and whispered the lyrics under her breath, sometimes her love would be enough to make her cry, she loved him so much she would often just cling to him, as if scared he would disappear. They'd met in university and she'd certainly fallen for him the first time she saw him, he was lovely but shy and was so glad that he'd plucked up the courage to tell her how he felt too. They'd been in the library and she'd been unable to reach a book on the top shelf, he'd come along and without effort got it down for her. They had stood both holding the book, looking straight into each others eyes, those eyes that were full of mystery, he'd taken the book and laid it on a lower shelf, before pulling her into his arms and kissed her. It had been so romantic. As much as she longed to be younger again, as she'd been then, she wouldnt change what she had now for it. Sure, those student days had been fun, there had been days when all they did was make love all day, they would discuss having a family when they were married, all that had been fun but now they were older and life had changed them, deciding to choose work over a family, they were happy to have each other.  
>Sometimes she did miss not having a child but she didnt want to dwell on what she didnt have, unfortunatly she wasnt going to escape conversations about children now.<br>Just as she thought this a text message popped up on her phone, she had it on hands free and pushed the button to read it,_

_Izzie;  
><em>_Going to be a girl :D Had brainwave, call it Chelsie, after her godparents - Charles + Elsie ;)_

_She smiled, well maybe having a goddaughter that she saw regularly would fill any need she had of a child. Thinking about it, the child would probably surpass her in height by the time she was 12, 'wonderful' she thought._

_She hadnt noticed the swerving car on the other side of the road, she hadnt noticed it coming towards her until seconds before the bumper hit her door. All she could hear were the screams from passers by and the sound of smashing glass as she felt the car go over._

_All of a sudden there was no more sound - it was just black._

**Please please review, I really want to know what you think.**


	4. Chapter 4

**I will update my other stories I promise, I had to choose between 4 of them to update (I asked my friend and she chose this one.) The others are gradually being written and I am very sorry for taking so long. Got the inspiration for this chapter having spent yesterday in hospital having an operation on my teeth, much fun(!)**

He returned each day, taking the time off work to go at the same time so she never missed him. But then again, he had no idea whether she could tell he was there. Dr Clarkson reassured him every time that she knew he was there but somehow he couldn't believe him. She just lay there, pale and small, her hand never moved from the position he left it in. Each day, he took it in his, kissed it, stroked it, laid it against his cheek and reminded her how much he loved her.  
>Ten days had passed and each felt longer and longer, no sign of any recovery, each day she looked thinner and thinner, he couldn't let her slip through his fingers like this, he longed to see those beautiful blue eyes again, the way they shined in the sunlight, the way sparkled at night.<p>

It was one Tuesday that he'd gone again, he'd met Nurse Crawley on the way in. He'd come to know how Elsie was getting on by the way Nurse Crawley looked every morning. Today she was smiling, a way he'd never seen before.

"Oh Mr Carson, thank goodness you're here. Your wife is awake and sitting up, she can speak a little but she's still exhausted" she smiled even wider as he rushed past. She hugged her clipboard to her chest and felt her heart warm at the sight of the strong love between the couple. She sighed sadly, looking up, 'what you must feel after spending years married to the person you adore', she came back to her senses and went to sit back down at the desk.

Charles all but ran into her room, nearly collapsing with relief when he saw that she was there and sitting up, it wasn't that he hadn't believed Nurse Crawley but he was just so happy to think she was awake. She was sat up, staring blankly out of the window. Now awake he could see just how unwell she looked, her complexion matched the colour of her sheets apart from the many bruises and scars on her skin, her bones were beginning to show more prominently on her wrists and collar, he couldn't tell if it broke his heart or warmed it to see her like this. Stepping into the room, he closed the door behind him, never taking his eyes off her.

"My darling girl"

Her head whirled round at the sound of his voice and she wore an expression of sheer joy and happiness that she'd only ever worn once – their wedding day.

"Charles!"

He went straight over to her and simply held her in his arms, sitting on the bed. She clung to him tightly, her fingers clutching onto his jacket and tears pouring down her face and onto his shoulder and for the first time in his life he was willing to cry in front of her. He locked his fingers in her hair and gently stroked her head. 

Outside the room there was a small dark haired nurse watching them filled with a combination of sadness and cheerfulness, she could feel just how glad Mr Carson was now his wife was awake and recovering but she felt sad; everyday she saw different people, different situations and she would often people watch if she had nothing to do. But seeing couples wait to see if their spouse would survive was often torture for her, she'd seen her fair share of couples distraught over their loss but she'd also seen couples reunited, their emotion showing how much they really loved each other – both situations broke her heart but she always managed to keep a brave face around distressed patients.

They stayed holding each other for what seemed hours until he heard her sobs subside. He pushed her back so he could look at her, he moved his hands from her shoulders to cup her face, allowing her to see his tears, she couldn't have loved him anymore than she did now.

"Elsie…my beautiful Elsie…you scared me so much…I'm so glad you're alright" he kissed her forehead and laid it against his own.

"I'm so sorry" she whispered almost inaudible.

He pulled back, still holding her face, to look straight at her.

"No. Do not start apologising; you've done absolutely nothing wrong, scared me to death yes but the point is you're fine and going to recover." He said this but in the back of his mind he could still hear Dr Clarkson's voice telling him even if she looked well there was a chance the internal damage was fatal.

"They've spoken to me Charles, I know I'm not 'fine'," she gave him a sad smile and held back more tears, "you might have to… make arrangements." She didn't meet his eyes but knew that he wouldn't like her remark.

"No, I'm not letting you go that easily." He took her hand in his and stroked her wedding ring. "I made a promise and I'm sticking to it, we're never giving up, there's still hope sweetheart."

"Not much" she moved her free hand up to her face to hold onto his.

"There's enough, enough for me to know you'll be fine but you can't give up, I need you to promise you won't presume the worst will happen" he brought their joined hands together so they rested between their hearts. "Promise…?"

She sighed and looked into his eyes, the love and hurt in his eyes pulled at her heartstrings.

"I promise" she whispered.

He kissed her hands before resting his head on them, she felt his tears on her fingers and could no longer hold back her own. She couldn't bear to see him this upset, she'd never seen him all that upset before, she'd seen him stressed or in pain and that she hated but now this was unbearable, seeing his emotionally strong mask slip and the venerable scared side revealed. She wanted nothing more than to make the pain go away for him but knew that she couldn't because it was her pain that worried him, she couldn't help him until she got better.

"Please don't leave me. Please" he murmured softly, unable to talk through her weeps so she disentangled her hand from his and stroked his hair. Suddenly crying uncontrollably as she understood just how much he loved her.

He looked up, his eyes red but he'd stopped crying. He didn't speak but took her into his arms again, attempting to not dislodge any wires. She cried into his shoulder.

"I should never have let you go to that meeting, I know Isobel wanted to tell you about the baby but I should never have let you go" he stroked her back, he could feel her spine with his thumb and made a note to mention her significant weight loss to Nurse Crawley.

"You couldn't have known, she's having a girl by the way" Elsie smiled through her tears.

"I know, she phoned…many times, she too feels responsible, wished she'd come over instead of making you go and meet her"

"No one could have known, it's no use dwelling on what you should have done. No one could have predicted this"

They were silent for a moment, both unsure as to what to say, before Elsie chose her best way of cheering him up;

"I love you"

He chuckled softly, knowing exactly why she'd said that as well as being reassured,

"I love you too, and will keep loving you, because you will get through this. We both will"

They were interrupted by Nurse Crawley coming through the door with Elsie's dinner,

"I'd better go so you can eat, and by the look of it go to sleep too" he raised his eyebrows as she yawned, "I'm that boring am I?" He stood up and let her lie back against the pillows; she held his hand and smiled up at him.

"Never"

He leant down to kiss her forehead, unaware of the nurse behind him smiling sweetly at them. She put the tray down and made her way to the door, staying beside it as the Carson's said goodbye to each other. She held it open to let Charles leave first.

"Thank you, good night Nurse Crawley"

"Goodnight Mr Carson" she smiled, watching him walk down the corridor, she could see in his eyes just how scared he was, he wouldn't admit or show it around her as they didn't know each other. But she knew, she knew he was petrified of losing his wife. She felt a tear fall down her cheek, living in denial was killing her, putting on a brave face every day was so hard. The mask was slipping.

**I can't tell if I'm going to give this story a happy or a sad ending, all my other stories have happy endings so I could break the pattern… Part of me feels like making this a sad ending but idk, what do you think? Please review, cos I have to **_**tell**_** my friends to read it so I know what people think :p **


	5. Chapter 5

**I'****m sorry if I take so long to update these, I got a 4 day weekend and managed to get every story updated so I was quite proud but now I'm probably going to go back to taking an age and I do apologies.**

**I've been on work experience all week so I've had to write this in my lunch break :)**

**AN: She definitely doesn't die in this chapter but I'm still deciding how I will end it, I know you don't**** want me to kill her off but I'm still unsure (blame Reidsfacts.)**

She hadn't slept that night, how could she? When all she could think about was how it felt to have his arms around her again, to have his lips against her skin, to feel his love despite being told it, in all the years they'd been married they'd never once slept apart, tonight she had to face the loneliness. She hadn't felt like doing anything, even eating, her body didn't want it, she could barely stomach her painkillers, all she wanted was her husband – her strongest painkiller.

She looked up at the moon through the blinds, the way it illuminated the white walls, everything was white, as cleaned as it looked, it was empty and depressing. She felt cool tears trickle down her cheek and onto the pillow. She felt empty and depressed, and cold, so very cold. She would shiver, even with blankets on; she wasn't sure whether she was shaking with nerves or coldness. She'd promised Charles she wouldn't think the worst but when he wasn't there she couldn't be so optimistic. They'd explained everything fully to her, but Dr Clarkson and her nurses often looked as if they knew something and weren't telling her – nothing looked optimistic.

She constantly felt stomach pain, sometimes it was so excruciating they had to simply put her to sleep. Her general painkillers didn't work and it could often lead to her screaming for hours. She could only see Charles for about an hour each day, the nurses knew she didn't want him around if she was in pain or screaming so they found a pattern and made sure he came at the same time each day.

Nurse Crawley had become her main nurse and always made sure she was comfortable, they'd become very close, sometimes she would just sit by her bed and talk to her, currently that was the second best painkiller.

She woke up; surprising herself that she'd even got to sleep eventually. The sunlight streaming through the window. She tried to sit up but clutched her stomach and lay back down.

"Mrs Carson? What's wrong?" Nurse Crawley rushed over, placing her hand on Elsie's shoulder and holding her hand. She looked up; Elsie's heart rate and blood pressure were perilously high.

"Mrs Carson?" she said again but Elsie wasn't replying, she had her eyes tightly shut and was moaning loudly.

"Mrs Carson can you hear me?" Nurse Crawley ran out and called for the doctor, he sprinted in along with four other Nurses. As soon as he saw her, all the colour drained from his face.

"Doctor?" Nurse Crawley saw his panic stricken look and her mind filled with fear.

"We need to get her into surgery – now! Nurse Stevens, Nurse Smith, can you get her ready quickly please."

He took Nurse Crawley by the arm and led her aside.

"Contact Mr Carson, tell him to come. She'll be in a while but we don't know if she'll even come out."

"But she's been getting better, she was nearly standing."

"Internal damage is horrific, you don't always know it's there and it can make you look like you're recovering and then strike again."

Nurse Crawley sighed, in her mind, the worst kind of illness was one that looked fine but struck when you least expected it, she nodded, unable to think of what to say. Dr Clarkson opened the door for the trolley to be wheeled out. He saw her devastated face.

"When he gets here, talk to him. You can relate to this more than the rest of us." With that, he walked out. Nurse Stevens was still clearing things up in the room.

"Sybil?"

She jumped as she heard her name, "You were miles away" she smiled sympathetically, "here, you'll need to give this to Mr Carson when he arrives, don't want to lose it" she handed her Elsie's wedding ring and left.

Sybil was left alone holding the ring in her open palm, she looked closely at it, to anyone it would seem like an ordinary gold band but she looked closer on the inside rim was an engravement;

'My darling Elsie, our hearts entwined forever and always'

she felt tears brimming so she closed her hand and hurried out.

Charles had arrived minutes after the phone call from Nurse Crawley. He was shaking and out of breath by the time he reached the main desk, he made his way down endless corridors until he reached her ward, where he was met by a small, pale, dark haired nurse with red puffed up eyes.

"She's still in surgery Mr Carson, she won't be out for hours, that's if… um, would you like something to drink?" she quickly realised what she was saying and decided she needed to attempt to distract him.

"No thank you Nurse Crawley, I'll just wait" he sat down on a sofa in the waiting area and rubbed his forehead.

She checked her watch, Mrs Carson'd been in surgery for twenty minutes, as her specific patient, Sybil no longer had anything to do but wait too, she sat next to Charles. Placing her hand over the one that lay on his knee,

"You're terrified, I can see it in your eyes, you won't admit it to anyone, not even fully to her, she knows you love her but doesn't know just how much you're scared of losing her" she looked directly at him, knowing she could get the truth out of him eventually.

"Can you blame me?" He looked away but didn't move his hand.

"For loving her? Of course not! And you don't want it to be worse for her by telling her just how scared you are – it would only scare her more"

"I don't … want to hurt her"

"You won't, you can't hurt her by loving her" she tilted her head to the side to try and catch his eyes.

"But..." he sighed "I can't live without her, she's everything to me, I'd have no one else, I couldn't stand walking though that big house not hearing her humming as she makes tea or singing as she vacuum's, all those little things…" he broke off, his hand suddenly holding hers tightly and she realised he was trying not to cry.

She fished in her pocket and pulled out the ring, placing it into his hand and closing it around it.

"Tell me something Mr Carson. Tell me your favourite memory of her"

He looked at the ring then finally looked at her, his eyes blurred as he blinked back to tears, sniffed and looked at the ceiling.

"Her twenty-first birthday party, the night I gave her his" he held up he ring and it glinted in the light. "Myself and a few of our friends threw together a huge surprise party, black tie and evening gowns, lovely meal, posh venue - the lot. I left it to her best friend to buy her the dress, she had no idea what was happening. She came in and it was the typical surprise party response, she was so happy, her best friend took her off and a little while later she was back. I didn't even recognise her, her hair was up with a few strands hanging down by her ears, her floor length navy dress hugging her figure, her makeup was perfect and she was wearing jewellery that I'd bought her on birthdays, anniversaries and valentine days, it was such a personal gesture and just between us. They whole evening was perfect, but it was one moment that I will remember forever. She was walking along the dance floor, holding up her dress slightly in her hands, I called her name and it was the way she turned round, the way she smiled when she saw I called her. So happy. I got to hold her in my arms as we danced, the romantic music, her beauty, I couldn't wait, I had to give her her present early so … I proposed. She nearly fainted and she cried a lot, but she was so happy. We were married nearly a year later but that moment always stuck in my mind, watching her as she turned around. My girl, my fiancée, my wife, my Elsie."

He smiled at the memory and sniffed back some more tears. Sybil squeezed his hand,

"I can see it .. in my mind, it's such a clear picture. I can see how beautiful she was"

"She still is, time can be merciless for some women but not her, she's always managed to stay beautiful and now… now my beautiful girl's being taken away from me." And the tears fell, proper tears of love and devotion, she put her arm around him and a few minutes later, spoke softly.

"Mr Carson if this does … end badly … I want you to know that it does get easier … you will miss her endlessly … but … it will … get easier … gradually."

This time it was her that looked away, she pulled her arm and hand back and pushed some hair behind her ear. He looked at her and it was his turn to try and get an explanation.

"You… mentioned that you knew more about this than I knew? What happened?"

She took a deep breath and looked up but straight ahead.

"M..my fiancée was killed in a car crash… but it was on purpose… he waited… waited for Tom to get near … then he drove straight into him" she sniffed but continued to look ahead.

"Oh… was that the Carlisle case?"

"Yes" she whispered, "it was complicated … but every day I see couples reunited and torn apart … it's so hard" she sniffed again and her hands began to shake "I just miss him so much" and she broke down, two years she'd held herself together but now she couldn't, she wants her Tom back, she wanted him to be alive and Carlisle to be dead, it wasn't fair and she couldn't bear to see someone else have their loved one taken away from them.

He moved across towards her and put a comforting arm around her shoulder, letting her cry into his. He'd always had great friendships with women and they regularly came to him for comfort, he was just the kind of guy you could tell your problems and he'd listen; he may not have known Sybil very well but they shared something and he wanted her to feel comforted as she comforted him.

They sat together for a while, simply feeling comforted, nothing more, just comfort and understanding passing between them. Four hours passed, they made no effort to move, until the door opened and Dr Clarkson walked towards them. His expression unreadable.

**I nearly cried, trying to write this. Hope you enjoyed it,**

**So is she or isn't she? I'm sorry to keep leaving you on cliff-hangers with my stories – I have done this because I don't know how to end it, but just so's you know there is a lot of me that really wants her to live.**

**Btw, I cant write the next chapter till I know whether you think she _should _die or not, so if you dont you better get your vote in quick before I listen to the devil on my shoulder too much ;)**

****Please please review, I need to know what you think :) Love you all for reviewing it so far.****


	6. Chapter 6

**Well, here is another chapter of this one :) It took a lot of thinking to decide how this story would end; Reidsfacts told me to kill her off, but everyone else was so insistent to keep her alive.  
>I did write two endings for this, a happy one and a sad on, I simply had to be convinced which ending to upload. So I guess you'll have to read to know which one I have done.#<strong>

**I was listening to Born To Die by Lana Del Ray while I wrote this so I was in emotional mood :p**

Charles's heart stopped, he'd longed for the moment yet dreaded it. When the doors opened, he wanted to run away, not wanting to be told the truth. Surely if she was alive the doctor would look happier? This could

His whole body was shaking, as much as he wanted to know how she was, he couldn't bear it if anything had happened to her. He didn't want to hear it, he knew what the doctor would say;

"Mr Carson, I'm so sorry but…" he wouldn't hear the rest, it would dawn on him that he'd now have to live without her. 'No, I mustn't think the worst' he told himself over and over again, but then wouldn't it be worse to think she'd be ok and then find out the truth?**  
><strong>

He felt Sybil put her hand on his arm and he looked down at her scared expression, she kept him from running away or collapsing – he couldn't run and hide from the truth, he needed to know how she was, he needed reassurance that she was ok.  
>The thought of her lying cold and lifeless on the operating table was too much to bear and he certainly didn't want to have to face people afterwards. How would he explain to Isobel, she was stressing enough and that wouldn't help the baby at all, but then to tell her that her best friend and the baby's godmother had died, he couldn't tell her that, it would just kill her.<p>

Then there was the rest of the family they were due to go up an visit them in Yorkshire, he hated to think how they'd feel if he turned up without her. Both sets of family lived in Yorkshire, his mother and brother with his family, as well as her two sisters. She was unbelievably close to them and he knew they'd be devastated.

It was only in this moment that he was glad they didn't have children, usually he was regretful that they'd never had their own family but having to tell his own children that mummy wasn't coming home? If this was the effect it had on him as a husband, he couldn't imagine the effect it would've had on their young children – he's supposed he'd see through her nieces and nephew but it would never compare to the reaction a young child would have upon hearing their mother was dead.

'Listen to yourself!' Already planning how to tell the family and Dr Clarkson hasn't even spoken yet.

He could feel Sybil's hand shaking on his arm, he guessed she didn't usually involve herself with her patients but he was glad to have moral support. She'd grown close to the pair of them and was now just as anxious to learn their fate as he was.  
>They both stood facing Dr Clarkson, a look of sheer terror and anticipation on their faces, the next few words would shape Charles's future forever;<p>

Dr Clarkson's steps echoed through the waiting room, each step reverberated in Charles's heart, as he approached, Charles could feel his stomach drop each time. When he finally got there, Charles heard Sybil's sharp intake of breath and he stopped breathing all together. In his head all he could hear was; 'dear god let her be alright, take all her pain away and just let her live!'

Dr Clarkson stopped and opened his mouth to speak;

"Mr Carson…"

**Oooh I guess you'll have to wait a bit longer to find out how it ends :p Heehee, I'm sorry I had to do this but I was writing all of this and still felt I didn't know which ending was the right one.**

**Please review! It's your reviews that'll shape the ending. Thank you to all who've reviewed and stuck with me so far ;)**


	7. Chapter 7

**I'm sorry I made you wait for the **_**real **_**ending, it's cos I still couldn't decide whether to listen to Reidsfacts or not :p Heehee nomoretears – your review made me laugh ;)**

"Mr Carson… you've nothing to worry about, your wife'll be perfectly fine, a few bruises but she'll live and the internal damage is sorted – she'll be able to come home in a few days."

It was as if he hadn't heard him; she was alright, something had heard him and saved her, not only that but she would be completely fine. He could have jumped for joy but being a reserved man, he refrained from the urge.

Sybil clapped her hands over her mouth and ran them through her hair taking deep breaths.  
>Charles just stared straight ahead, at the door from which Dr Clarkson had come, she was through there, safe and well again.<p>

"Mr Carson?" Sybil had noticed that he wasn't saying anything, "are you alright?"

"Yes… I'm just.." he took a deep breath but just smiled, Sybil stood on her tiptoes to hug him,

"I'm very happy for you Mr Carson"

They had to wait at least another hour before Charles would be allowed to see her, she was taking a while to come round from the anesthetic, he sat there staring straight up, he would never let her out of his sight again, or at least drive her everywhere – he couldn't prevent an accident but at least being in it together was a nicer prospect than simply losing her. He took his phone out of his pocket, realising it was turned off, when it came back on it sprung to life telling him he had 24 missed calls and 18 text messages; he chuckled to himself, there were a lot from Isobel demanding a reply, many from Anna and Beryl; Elsie's sisters and one that caused him to stop and stare at the name over and over again;

'1 unread text – Elsie'

How could she have texted him? Her phone was destroyed in the car crash. He clicked on it;

'40 minutes and I'll be home with you,  
>Dw, I stopped to send this,<br>Just wanted to remind you I love you ;)  
>Good news from Izzy, tell you when I get there,<p>

Missed you so much,

El. Xxx  
>Sent: 1607/11, 9:30'

10 minutes before her accident? He hadn't even realised she'd sent it, he turned his phone off before he first went to the hospital, not wanting to speak to anyone.

He read the third line, again and again, 'Just wanted to remind you I love you', she had no idea just how important those words would have been if anything had happened.  
>He wished he could have replied, reminded her that he loved her, she could've had it in her mind before…<p>

His thoughts were broken off by Sybil returning,

"You can come and see her now" she gave him an unhindered smile.

He followed her through the door and down the hall back down to the ward. Dr Clarkson was just leaving the room; his smile was for once without concern, he held the door open for him to go through. Then went to stand by Sybil, they watched Charles slowly approach the bed, sit down and hold her hand to his face, Dr Clarkson looked down at Sybil, tears had begun to fall down her cheeks though she was smiling;

" 'bout time isn't it?"

"Yes" she managed to whisper, "it's very romantic isn't it"

He looked at her closely, placing his hand on her shoulder; "it will get better for you Nurse Crawley" he smiled and left her.

He stepped into her room, as he had many times over the last couple of weeks, each time she had recovered slightly more and he'd begun to get optimistic but once again, a phone call had brought it all down on his head, his world crashing down on him. On his first visit, she'd been unconscious, he couldn't bear to see her verging on life and death but now she sat up, looking straight at him, with a smile that he'd last seen 21 years ago.  
>He silently walked over to her and sat on the bed beside her; they just stared at each other.<p>

"I must cause you so much bother" she laughed,

"Never, you've never bothered me" he lifted his hand to stroke her cheek, "you've never been anything short of wonderful! And before you can argue... I have something to give you" she'd opened her mouth to retort but he carried on before she could, reaching into his pocket to pull out her wedding ring.

"Do you Elsie Hughes..." she giggled at being referred to with her maiden name, "take thee Charles Carson, to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

She moved to sit on her knees and wrapped her arms around his neck,

"I do, with all my heart, as ever" she placed her forehead against his as he took her left hand off his shoulder and slipped the ring onto her finger.

"I'll never take it off again, you're stuck with me now – forever" they both looked down at the ring on her hand which was still in his.

"I wouldn't have it any other way" he whispered before he kissed her, smirking as he heard the heart rate monitor increase again, he allowed her to lead the kiss – he just wanted to be reminded that she was there. She leant against him with his arms around her until she fell asleep and he left her with a kiss on the forehead.

o0o0o0o0ooo0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

"C'mon El or we'll be late!"

"Eurgh, I don't know why we're doing this anyway, it's hardly a special occasion" she trudged down the stairs, as sweet as the gesture was, she didn't really feel like being the centre of attention tonight.

"Of course it is! It's your birthday"

"Like I want to celebrate that!"

"43 is not old before you say anything and anyway we're also celebrating your recovery"

"Oh c'mon, I've been fine for months"

"No, you've been our of hospital for months, but you're now fully off medication and it's your birthday so we combined the two."

"We could have just had a quiet night in, why do we need to make such a fuss?"

"Because Charles loves you, we _all_ love you, simple as, now I have been told to give you this, I've been keeping it safe" she reached into her bag and pulled out the silver heart pendent, throwing her bag on the table and waving at Elsie to turn round and face the mirror so she could put the necklace on her, "you're really going to tell me you'd rather stay at home than go?" she raised her eyebrows at Elsie's reflection.

Elsie smiled, defeated.

"Of course I want to go, it's lovely to relive the memory so to speak" she looked at herself in the mirror and adjusting her navy dress, "even if we're all 22 years older."

Isobel sighed, "you don't look a day _over _21, especially not in that dress. I'd go as far to say you look better in it now than you did the first time."

"Ha! I'm still shocked it still fits"

"Well you look stunning, no one'll be able to take their eyes off you tonight"

This time it was Elsie that sighed, "really Isobel you flatter me far too much"

"Of course I do, that's my job. Now we have to go and party like we're 21 again"

"I think you'll have to tone it down a little, you are seven months pregnant remember" she looked down at the now huge bump Isobel had, she was the only one that wouldn't be dressed as she had been, as she could no longer fit into her size 6 maroon A line dress, she had now opted for one that although accentuated her bump looked just as stunning.

"I think we've pretty much covered everything, apart from a few extra members of your family, it should all be exactly the same" she beamed and Elsie hugged her (as best as she could.)

"Always so considerate, I love you so much Iz"

"I know, I know, now…" she stood back to observe Elsie once more, "I think we're finally ready, even if we are going to be late." She winked and picked up her clutch bag off the side table.

"Well they can't start the party without us and anyway isn't it fashionable to be late?"

Isobel laughed, "I suppose so" she walked over to the door and held it open.

"Ready?"

Elsie took a deep breath,

"Ready."

**So there you go, I'm sorry Riedsfacts but I didn't have the heart to kill her, I couldn't bear the pain Charles was already going through so I had to keep her alive.  
>Well done to those that successfully convinced me not to kill her :) I hope this ending was worth it.<strong>

**Btw, I know (from experience) that you don't recover from anesthetic and are able to sit up as quickly as I've written this, but for the sake of Charles's heart I have ;) I was so desperate to revisit the party, so I thought it'd be sweet if Charles organised another one exactly the same.**

**Please please pleaseeee review, it's your reviews that kept her alive in the first place ;) Remember I still have the alternate ending :p**


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